Craptastic

Craptastic
 


 
 
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Gassy Cow
 
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The Rating System
 
In all fairness to the artists I slag, I've linked in Amazon info so they can potentially earn more royalties if you wish to purchase their work. All opinions stated are the rantings of a bitter, twisted, old fart for the sake of entertainment.
 
The list will be broken down into 3 major categories:
 
The Dreck -
useless spittle that gets airtime because it's Canadian
The Banal -
mediocre Canadian pablum. They still suck but are banal enough that they'd make it without CanCon support.
At Least They Tried -
bands that at least made an effort - artistically or otherwise.

 
Accompanying each listing are two rating. The first is a score of plain suckage. The fart clouds denote the following:
 
Suck factor
 
No one gets out of here with at least 1 fart cloud.
Suck factor
 
Mildly entertaining. Might even constitute a guilty pleasure
Suck factor
 
Entering danger zone of tolerable limits of talentlessness.
Suck factor
 
Should be banned from all media.
Suck factor
 
Music can cause severe brain damage and birth defects in unborn children.
Suck factor
 
I had to extend the suckage rating to cope with the likes of Frozen Ghost and Barenaked Ladies. Be very careful when listening. Do not make direct eye contact with these "artists". Industrial ear protection should be worn at all times.

 
The second rating is the CBC/Toronto factor. How much extra push they seem to have got from "knowing" someone important in the CBC/MuchMusic Toronto sphere which in turn increased their exposure. It can be broken down thusly:
 
CBC factor
 
Stains on clothes but no conclusive evidence of their source.
CBC factor
 
Seen exiting Much Music building with clothes dishevelled.
CBC factor
 
Pappa thy name ist Moses Zaminer.
CBC factor
 
Seen frequently with Laurie Brown.
CBC factor
 
Willing to sleep with Terry David Mulligan to further career.
 
Not happy with our rating and you want to voice your concern? Head on over our handy submission form and rate it yourself. If you can back up your claim we might consider reclassifying the band. You can also use this form to submit a rating for a band not on the list yet.
 
 
 

Background
*Main Argument
*Rating System
*Rate Your Own!
 
Band Listings
*The Dreck
*The Banal
*At Least They Tried
 
Reading Material
* I Hate Music
* I Hate You and Your So-called Taste in Music
* Have Not Been the Same: The Canrock Renaissance 1985-1995
[by Michael Barclay, Jason Schneider, Ian Andrew Dylan Jack]
 
 
* Last Call: Vancouver Independent Music, 1977-1988
Overlooked Canadian music most Canadians never heard during the heydays of the CanCon 80s



 
Splorp: makes crap possible
 
 
 
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