Broke down and bought a shiney new Visor today because they offer a $50 US rebate. Wish they had offered that before I left for Europe.

I think someone is becoming like my cats

Sometimes I just don't feel fresh

I wonder how long it will take before I start riding this tram to work again

Epilogue: On the go sans Piko
 
The flight over seemed so easy. The trip back was one of the most annoying in recent memory.

• Sitting next screaming kids (although they really can't help it, they don't know what's going on, but there's no need of parents letting them run up and down the aisles either)
• Musty old drunk woman looking and sounding like a skeletal Bela Lugosi.
• Literally 8 hours of juvenile love nest coo coo cooing beside me - hope they break up real soon they deserve it.
• Completely unwatchable/predictable movie "Meet the Parents". Hope they paid De Niro, Stiller, writers, director, etc well for the most phoned-in movie of the year. Total dreck.
• "Dial M for Murderousness" which I've seen too many times to see again coupled with "Home Improvement" reruns to make your stomach turn
• Horrid meals (chicken in what sauce?)
• Completely disorganized flight crew
• Didn't bring enough reading material
• Fidgity myself so I'm probably annoying everyone else too.

Feel tremendous regret of not getting over to Europe earlier in my life; like when I was 22 and should have raced with Scoop in Spain. But it's always been the age old problem of time and money (mainly money). They never seemed to synch up till now. History majors traditionally never graduate to high paying jobs. Also haven't challenged my brain enough in the last 3 years - I've lost so much art theory, history, and general knowledge just so I can remember to close font tags while coding. Feel like I've seen 0.000001% of Europe and I've got to at least see 0.000001% more before I'll be happy.
 
All in all it was absolutely fabulous to relax in Sweden with Rob and Jo. Meet new people like Liisa and Markus. Get together with John, Barbara, and Dave on foreign soil. See amazing art. Pass out in London. Laugh at all the Burburry plaid in Europe as well as see my predictions for fashion trends coming true. Side note that my bounty from the trip is terribly inadequate so don't expect thrilling treats at work.
 
And now back to what this page is really about - cat excrement (Brontë pooped on top of the fridge while I was gone).

No scrub but I don't think walking on a wet carpet will stop foot and mouth especially given I've got other shoes in my bag I've hoofed around London with. And what about all the clothes too? Idiots.

Wonder if I'm going to get a good scrub down at customs now that I've been covorting with English sheep

I'm going to change my name to "Haisuli-Harmaa" - I think it means "stinky-grey". Swedes are now talking French to me in stores.

For those about to rock,
we salute you.

Thank god the word cappucino is the same in all languages

News Flash: Canadian tourist found dead in hotel room...
 
I fully expected that there was a strong chance of passing out sometime during my vacation - I just always assumed that it would be from too much Pims not whilst sitting in a Cinema. Looking back it's easy to see all the factors lining up: year of work related stress; week and a half of non-stop walking; not taking in enough fluids; extreme exhaustion; tending to push body till failure; noticing the day before my usually comfy jeans were falling off my ass indicating sudden huge weight loss; etc.etc. Never really been unconscious unless struck firmly on the head. Even able to go through being struck by car from bike and be fully aware of my actions and reactions through it all. So I always assumed something like this couldn't happen to me. Then later, although feeling fine, slowly becoming paranoid about my health because something like this has never happened before, history of heart disease in select members of the family, and about to subject my body to trans-continental travel. Everything started to look like the perfect scenario to be found dead in bed. Just for peace of mind a doctor was summoned (arrived at 3am) and checked vitals and then said what deep down inside I knew all along: slow down, rest, keep hydrated. Just a hiccup in an otherwise great vacation. Seems like whenever me and David get together something noteworthy happens.
 
I could have nattered on about all the fantastic things I've seen and done in London but doesn't this make for a more interesting read?

The Fox Pukes in the Grass
 
Part I
Get your ass to the Modern Tate! Too much to type from my notes so I'm going to transcribe when I get back to Gotenberg. London is the most fucking amazing city. This trip is just a scouting expedition - i'm going to have to come back soon.
 
Note to Grant: Using an internet cafe so if someone starts hacking from the splorp server this is where the security leak originated.

Side note: seen almost every single sans serif font we sell within the smallish quarter I'm in. Still hunting for that elusive Eclat though. Also learned how to spot the Swedish nose.

So far so good with the lunch. Lasagna at an Irish pub in Sweden...should have known better anyway.
 
Got to drive a Volvo in Sweden to the Volvo plant today. Can see why passing the driver's test here is so difficult - driving here is difficult. Narrow twisty roads that are about a lane and a half wide with electric trams mixed in. Traffic circles with no signs or signs that point everywhere. Lights off to the side so you're not realy sure what they're refering to. Oh yeah there's a "Angered" tram. You don't want to mess with him. He might "utfart".
 
Couldn't go through the assembly factory section at Volvo. They claim that the suppliers hadn't brought in material so production was at a stand still. I think they were scared I'd steal company secrets and post them on Craptastic. Instead, they whipped out a limo and took us over to the Volvo museum which in the end was probably way more interesting than watching robots weld fenders. Got to see the full range of Volvo cars through history. Even one of the speedsters Roger Moore used in the Saint (for those who don't know, that was before he became the lecherous and saggy Bond in the bad leisure suit). Kept thinking that if we had Mike with us we'd never get him out of the first room. And if he ever got into one of the last rooms with their Landrover style vehicles...that would be a different story altogether.

Questionable lunch today. we'll see if it's more noteworthy later

Finnish dogs say How How.

I had sushi made by Swedes

They have Fanta here!

Had a dream that took me back almost exactly one year in time. Didn't make me too happy.

I think Beavis and Butthead would like it here. I see lots of signs with slut and fart in them.

Had a long sit at the Café TinTin writing and reading till the smoke drove me nuts. Then off to find the right angle to capture the statue of Poseidon on film - the one where he looks like he's fondling a huge erection. Seems originally he was a little too well endowed for the public's liking so they made the artist give him a "trim". The artist got his revenge by re-arranging the placement of the fish Poseidon is holding.

Looking at the Swedish diet I'm amazed at how thin the general public is. And it's definitely not because they're in better shape than canadians. Everyone seems to chain-smoke and eat high-fat foods. They're also obsessed with bulk bin candies.

Nearly froze my ass off this morning stomping around. Haven't really done much even in touristy terms. Right now I'm happy reading magazines, doing nothing in another part of the world.

Damn, the way the stock's going nobody is getting any presents. Maybe I can skip out on all my debt and stay here to work as a Systemutvecklare.

Watched the Miss Sweden contest last night. It was sort of like Survivor meets a phone sex-line commercial done as a small town review. With the added bonus of protesters running up on stage to boot. It had everything in contestants - child porn stars to slutty tramps. The child porn star beat out the tramp and was given a crown that was obviously molded for a soccerball not a human head.

Long distance reports of nugget sightings. Added bonus of staying with a cat who had dingleberries this morning.

Dogs here say VOV.

Being here is sort of like stepping into a Richard Scarey book where everyone is staring at their cellphone. Anybody want some Bjorn Borg underwear?

Woke up with a throbbing headache and really dizzy this morning. I think I've sort of adjusted to the time change. About to head out to do some exploring. Probably go fairly slow this week and save up energy for a crammed trip to London. One thing definitely missing in the land of Nokia is access to high-speed lines. In the short walk we took last night discovered that personal space is a little different - walking down the street is like playing chicken with on-coming pedestrians.
 
Staying in the downtown area - the area where if it was Calgary would be torched so a hideous pastel condo could be built. Checked out the big museum today. Couple Munchs were awesome (they've got the Vampyre here but his tiny painting of a woman's face was immensely more striking), Picassos stunk (then I've never really liked Picasso), Monets were so so (then I've always found him so so), Bonnard muddy as hell, van Gogh was surprisingly great (seeing the brush strokes and textures really makes a huge difference), and the various Scandinavian painters from the turn of the century I was vaguely familiar with (Linquist et al) huge. Completely blown away by a self-portrait of Carl Larsson they've shunted off in the stairway. Colours and fluid lines of it just amazing. Now to watch TV in a different time zone.

A fairly uneventful flight. Not jet lagged yet but then I'm often up at 2am anyway.
 
Common sights on long flights:

• exotic yet oh so cold waitress errr stewardess (can you throw that meal at me with anymore distain)
• meals prepared by an Iron Chef - mystery meat in surprise sauce, then potato saladish thingy with fruit salad in a holandaise sauce or something.
• movie with possible plane trouble editted out (Almost Famous)
• sore ass from sitting 10 hours

I'm bringing extra underwear in case a cow spills a milkshake on me.
 
Not technically a Roxy album, but it's coming with me anyway

I wonder who'll be left by the time I get back.

Country Life and Manifesto

How am I ever going to get more hits when the link's wrong?

I see Mike wants to run around the mines in my hometown. In "Davy and Goliath", they fell down a mineshaft and learned all about free will.

Need to find a smallish notebook to jot down my travels in.

Bronté hairball on rug this morning. Found a dried puddle of vomit in the corner from Push - must have been there for quite a while before I found it.

Ate way too much last night. Felt pretty svelte and toned coming into February - coming out I feel like a big pile of goo.

Pushkin got scared of the vaccuum cleaner and tried to jump through the stair railing. But he was too fat, got stuck, and grounded out on is belly with his little legs flailing away.

More dreams about travelling through the underworld, haven't had one in quite a while - thought I might have lost my touch.

Found one more, he puked on the bed again.

OOooooo Pushkin left me 3 more puddles for when I got home. Wonder if there are any more.

Over in the Mixed Nuts section you can now get the Craptastic Bathroom Icon Set.

Two really thick puddles of vomit courtesy of Pushkin this morning.

Damn this flu has thoroughly kicked my ass this week.

Last night I had a really good sweaty fever going, and then I stepped in a big puddle of cat puke.