SuperDoofus downstairs was apparently booted out as I was told by landlord as he changed locks on doors. A far different story than what creepy SuperDoo told me. Have this paranoia that he'll be lurking about and trying to break into the place now. There's just something not right about guys with mustaches that look like fat wannabe cops.
 
Been a week of uninspiring skating. The ice has been kind of crappy - yesterday his Blueness's twirling apprentice was spinning at half speed because of ice conditions. Tonight was a bit better but my mind was preoccupied with visions of fat SuperDoo climbing in a window.

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It's hopeless, you're finished
You haven't got a prayer
'Cause I'm Mr. Oogie Boogie
And you ain't going nowhere

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Finally, managed to get the Blue Ramona PC's ethernet card running. The main problem was because I had to get the driver files on the Mac and move them to the PC. The solution was to open the drivers in BBEdit, change the line breaks to DOS, resave, then install them on the PC. Now to get it to share amongst the household network.

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Someone is having their birthday in Italy today.

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Spent the afternoon in Canmore. Anytime I get near this end of Alberta it makes me miss living in the West Kootenays. Another fun thing I saw today was athletes from the Chinese national team stocking up on sports equipment at SportChek and then ripping open their packages right outside the store like they were opening Christmas presents. Guess they were either getting ready for the Olympics or grabbing anything they could before heading back to China.

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The Goodies seems to have sunk into the recent subconscious of a lot of people I know including myself.

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Sort of a work in progress but I'm thinking of a Dinner Theatre production of Bergman's Seventh Seal. With Adrian Zmed as Antonius Block and maybe Robert Vaughn as Death. It'll be a musical.

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Pushkin got his cat dandruff all over my new shirt.

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Out of stock? Damnit, you bastards were suppose to ship this to me over a month ago and now you're out of stock.

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Megacolon, the new feline superstore coming to a location near you. Well hopefully not. This is what I suspect Brontë suffers from and why she engages in her semi-regular preformance art pieces around the house. I'm thinking of applying for a Canada Council Art Grant since she's become so prolific.

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And the answers to the mystery mail in test are: No, No, No, Yes, No.

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Best recurring dinner coversation this weekend:

"Unt un eentsy little bit of svine flesh"

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I am a Breakout Bat.

I am an abstract sort of creature, who dislikes any sort of restraint. If you try to pigeonhole me, I'll break the box, and come back for more. I don't have any particular ambitions, I just drift, but I am adept at keeping life going along. What Video Game Character Are You?

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Basement Nutter is moving at the end of the month yippee! Wonder how demented the next occupant will be.

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And speaking of Ricardo...

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Mr. Montalban's Cordoba is parked out back

This house inspires me to start a Craptastic page of bad architecture. What inspires someone obviously with tons of money to create "Casa Taco Bell" as their dream house on the outskirts of Calgary Alberta? Complete with 7 foot tall fake cactii in the yard (Calgary, as you might not know, is world renowned for it's year round natural cactus plants...they do well in -30 Celsius wind storms). And don't forget the mocked up bull fighting ring in the back yard. Next ride by here I'll get a better picture.

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Spent 3 hours on the bike this afternoon which was great except when the last hour when the wind started going icey. Froze my fingers so they could barely hold the bars. Plus the added bonus of that feeling of thousands of tiny daggers being pumped through blood trying to thaw them out.

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Minor progress with PHP. Well at least there's no parse error this time.

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I've got Super Nibs - that's a fruit. I've got Chocolate Covered Coffee Beans - a bean is a vegetable. I've got the makings of a nutritionally balanced meal right?

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So far this morning spent about an hour trying to get Brontë to use her box before she leaves presents all over the house.

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Hokey smoke my back's been hurtin' when I skate.

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Yes. The Enigmatic Platypus.

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Hey Chef

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Thought about going for a late night drive in the country but the way things have gone today a cow would probably jump through the windshield and spill a milkshake on me.

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Couldn't fix my wheel, all my PHP experiments fizzled, pretty much a useless day as far as productivity goes.

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I decided to try a new e-mail client today.

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Broke a spoke on my front wheel and lycra doesn't have the greatest in heat retention properties.

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Damnation!

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Take 2 hits of acid...carry tiger to mountain. That's right folks. Let TV's Kung Fu be your own wigged out personal Tai Chi Master!

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Moms mean well but...

Recently, I've had this fascination with bees and bee symbolism in art. That doesn't mean that I want everything with a bee on it. Like this wierd ass bee-in-a-flower-hang-from-a-planter thingy my mom gave me.

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Was going to post a picture of the fries I ate for lunch but the digusting sight of all the grease was too much to look at again.

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Once again thinking about old cartoons.

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Wonder if I could train the cats to bring me toast with a little honey on it and brew coffee every morning...

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Rap rap rappity rap rap. One more reason to get DVD player.

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Think it's almost time to change hair colour again. Might have to resort to the home remedy version this time to save a few dollars.

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Craptastic Lord of the Rings ReCast
Part III.5 - One more Baddie:

Saruman After a bit of contractual wrangling, Merv Griffin will tackle the role of Saruman - chief of all wizards who wants the ring for himself. Think of the dialog. "Later in the show we'll have some orcs drag in the hobbits but first Gandalf...Ooooo Gandalf...so what did you do with the ring huuh?. We'll be right back."

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My right calf muscle is crampeddddd.

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Pushkin just threw up the chunk of carpet he tried to eat. For the protection of the viewing audience, this will not be captured on any CrapCam.

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Craptastic Lord of the Rings ReCast
Part III - Now for some Baddies:

	Orcs & Goblins All the minions of evil will be played by a troop of mimes. There's nothing more disturbing than mimes - it's enough to make you mess your pants.
	Uruk Hai It's pretty clear that Uruk Hai is floating on PCP or something so for casting I'm thinking someone or something that's already in that drug induced state to inspire the same terror. With that in mind go no further than H. R. Pufnstuf. What child made it through an episode of Pufnstuf without being mentally scarred, deranged, or both?
	Sauron The big eye of Sauron will be replaced by the King of Pop's nose or whatever that is on the front of his head. Imagine that coming at you. Now that's the face of evil.

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Had a long series of dreams floating into each other last night. The best part was looking for new shoes and discovering an updated version of the Asics Tiger Spiker. Damn I loved those runners.

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To skate or not to skate tonight...

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Last night I dreamt that some uptight puritan in Ireland was trying to put an end to Craptastic. In the struggle to keep my domain live, I ended up at a book signing for the original Planet of the Apes. The writer signed my book but the guy in the ape suit wouldn't because I waved hello at him.

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Feeling very giddy these days. And easily distractable.

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Craptastic Lord of the Rings ReCast
Part II - The Elves
Hey weren't the elves supposed to be beautiful elegant beings? They looked like freaks or blue-eyed white trash in the movie. Here are the Craptastic elf choices:

	Elrond Someone's got to educate this rag tag group and Mr. Drummond is just the man to do it. He knows how to bring a culturally diverse group together into a tight knit family. Yeah that's right. None other than Conrad Baines of Diff'rent Strokes. That's who'll be Elrond.
	Legolas I'm sure Princess Superstar would be much better at kicking orc butt than white trashy Orlando Bloom. She could even spice up that "bond" that's going to build with Gimli. And ditch that Enya shiite on the soundtrack let Princess do some elf rap.
	Arwen The casting people got the wrong actress for the part with Liv Tyler. What are they thinking when Billy Zane is free? Will he chose his love for Aragorn or immortality?
	Galadriel Queen of Lothlorien Cuchi cuchi cooo. Charo's in the house.

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No need to take my EyeModule skating to document the insanity that is the Blue Blur. The quality of this is much better than my little handheld could produce with action shots anyway.

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Craptastic Lord of the Rings ReCast Part I
As promised earlier today, I'm pleased to announce the first 2 re-cast roles in the epic.

Boromir Okay Boromir is the only character with any real depth in this movie, he's a man of action, and he also dies at the end of this book (sorry to spoil it for anyone). The only solution here is to do a double casting for this role. Obviously Gil Gerard - TV's Buck Rogers - is the only actor with the power and range to tackle this tortured soul for the first half of the movie then Al Leong will take on the role for the dramatic death scene. Al has a long history of being killed in every movie he's in so he'll handle this passing with the sensitivity needed. He'll also do double duty as Gil's stunt double because he's a fully trained martial artist. I think the switch from actor to actor will be pretty seamless; kind of like the 2 Darrens in Bewitched.

Samwise Sam the dutiful sidekick. Sam the trusted friend. Willing to sacrifice it all for Frodo. Slightly heavier set than the other Hobbits. There's only one actor you need to call...Dom DeLuise. Burt Renolds' trusted companion. Willing to sacrifice himself in any half assed movie for the sake of his pal Burt. Need I say more?

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Coming soon...the Craptastic recasting of the "Lord of the Rings".

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Marginal work out today. There was a real wierdy balding mullet trying to do handstands. Saw a couple US women speedskaters there doing sproingy jumps. They had amazing vertical.

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Oh yah! The best Bowie

Which David Bowie are you?

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Maybe I could resurrect Abe as a guest talk show host. He could even bring the "Sounds of Craptastic" if streaming media were available.

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I got mint leaves. I can drink mint juleps all night now.

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Something that's painful to watch is people running with exceptionally bad form.

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There's stuff I should do but I've become distracted making a Thunderbirds icon set.

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Some of my current favorite search phrases generating hits for Craptastic:

• "charles nelson riley"
• "pictures of olsen twins toes"
• "used slurpee machines"
• "toller cranston wendell clark"
• "sleeping bag and plastic bag bondage site"
• "items with monkeys"
• "will dennis deyoung form his own version of styx"
• "muscle spasm everywhere"
• "camaro shirts"
• "cat urine stain chair"
• "shaun cassidy screensaver"
• "dr shrinker"

Haven't made a screensaver in a while... how about a Shaun Cassidy/Dennis DeYoung in camaro muscle shirts accompanied by Oslen twins afixed with muscle spasming monkey toes screensaver.

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A couple firsts skating at the Oval tonight . For the first time in 2 years, I actually saw Leaf2 get up to a walking speed on his speedskates. For the first time in 2 years Leaf2 almost wiped me out with his spazmotic skating style than lacks any clear navigational skill.

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Pushkin just threw up on my pants.

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The newest member of the family. Didn't really need to buy an iMac in the sale but what the hell.

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Rory gave me the school boy haircut today instead of the boy band haircut he usually tries to give me.

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Watch it that dental floss might be toxic! More to add to the growing list of projects. Thought I might frost this onto the bathroom side cabinet glass doors. Then there's the Snakes and Ladders collage to do as well.

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Feel so much better after a couple of hours of philosophy ramblings on the bike with Uncle Booger. Weenerboy downstairs finally gave up the laundry facilities today so I have clean bike tights to boot.

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What's with the daily laundry the doofus in the basement does? Not just small loads, I'm talking huge ass multiple loads that tie up the washer all day long. Is he moonlighting for some dry cleaner? Is he a ultra-low quality hitman and constantly cleaning blood stains?

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A handy tip for cat owners: put an old bed sheet over your blankets. If one of the cats decides to vomit on your bed it will prevent the puke from getting all over your good bedding. I say this because I found a dried puddle at the end of the bed while changing today.
 
After a 2 month delay, I officially embraced my dotcom layoff status and applied for unemployment today.

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Needed: one CD with AsantéFast 10/100 Rev B Window 98 drivers because PC's are too friggin' stupid to do anything simply.

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Somebody's been busy

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Brideshead Revisited is on again. It's not the best mini-series in the world or best book in the world either but for some reason I'm always drawn to watch and read it again and again. Maybe it's that I understand the pent-up Waspish characters as their relationships collapse or I wish I could be an affluent drunk that gets to travel the world painting.

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Maybe I'm still sick because I haven't had enough Twizzlers - it is a fresh fruit you know.

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Can you really resist an album with a song titled "Herbs, Good Hygiene & Socks"?

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Dropped a 45 pound weight on my foot this morning. Gosh I'm a smooth one aren't I.

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Dropped Mojo off for his latest warranty tune-up this morning and walked home. In the distance covered by foot I passed 2 malls, 2 Starbucks, and endless stretches of Brady Bunch suburban homes. In the same distance covered in Göteborg I could visit 3 very good museums as well as endless stretches of stores, restaurants, and boutiques. It's kind of depressing.

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A voice from the past hit my mailbox today...

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For the last couple years I've been predicting the return of the mullet as a socially acceptable hairstyle and slowly it's been inching back. However, the new Lord of the Onion Rings movie with it's grand array of helmet hair is going to be the watershed for the mullet return. Mark my words.

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First CD played this year.

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If the first thing you say for the year is "rabbits rabbits rabbits" does it make you extra lucky?

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