Have a career emotionally scarring young children. Become a clown ventriloquist. Or maybe aim to be the next Willie Tyler and Lester.

Hello. May I show you to your bike?

The downside to having bike shorts from different clothing companies. Dueling tan lines.

Holy fuck. It's like some evil genius unleased an army of insane seniors on the city this afternoon. They were creating havok everywhere. Driving like the Dukes of Hazzard down my back alley with curlers in their hair. Sauntering at a sloth-like pace in Joe Boxer undies, knee high socks, and black dress shoes through London Drugs. Trying to fondle my groceries in the checkout line. Blocking aisles with their carts and air tanks in every store. Respect your elders sure but they better keep their damn hands off my pita bread.

And then there's that sudden moment in the day when the caffiene withdrawal hits your head. Then there's nothing left but to scramble to the nearest pot of coffee and pour it down your throat.

As I rolled over in bed last night, I heard the plicking of dried cat food falling to the floor. Making me realise that somewhere else in the bed is yet a second luscious deposit of cat puke.

Someone puked up cat kibble in my bed again and it wasn't me.

Better listen now, said it ain't no joke
Let your conscience fail ya, just do the stroke

Did I mention how much I LOVE Outlook? I LOVE trying to sign in when Outlook decides it doesn't like your password getting this same menu over and over with no escape. I LOVE hitting the cancel and getting this same menu over and over with no escape. I lOVE not being able to quit out of this loop of menu after menu. I LOVE that the only way to break out is to go for the "force quit". Brilliant UI design. Lets trap people in a shitty program's start up menu with no option to escape. Oh and I LOVE the Exchange server...stupid piece of shit.

Want Shania to do some pole dancing at your next party? Maybe you want to throw rocks at Garth Brooks. If you can't get them, get the next best thing.

Microsoft I hate you and everypiece of shit you make. Once again I renew my fight with the Exchange server. Previously I was able to avoid using Outlook by checking all my accounts with Powermail. Since the weekend, I can check all my accounts except my office account. I can send mail from all accounts via the Exchange server including the office account i just can't get office mail unless forced onto Outlook where I can only access the one account. So let me understand this. I could potentially use the Exchange server to spam the net with messages about increasing penis size, preventing premature ejaculations, or selling human growth hormone but I can't read those emails from a more convenient email client.

Lo and behold, his Blueness doesn't ride his bike backwards. But he gets 356 day use out of his blue outfit.

The Grade 5s we talked all want my job. Wonder if they want the year and half unemployment and anxiety too.

Beckham going to Real Madrid. Posh and Becks world PR tour. Hopefully next up will be an animated saturday morning cartoon like the Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordon, Bo Jackson offering Prostars. Posh and Becks could fight time travelling robots from outerspace and we'd all learn a little bit about caring and sharing along the way.

They're also makng a live action Thunderbirds movie with Bill Paxton. Hope the actors can duplicate those supermariation drunken seizure like movements.

The joys of desk shuffles.

Someday I'll sit down and learn how to operate this cellphone properly. Think I just deleted all unheard voice mail by accident.

My favorite Menudo moment is their video ode to the Shopping Mall.

This is going to be the summer of small car fixes. Next up rock chip in windshield then air conditioning.

You know, I think I could live peacefully never ever hearing St. Germain ever ever ever again.

I've become addicted to McSebi's Pac the Man

Howling kitty re-appeared on the steps this evening. Someone must be taking care of him, the fur was shaved by his gashed ear and there appeared to be healing stitch marks. Otherwise I might have to adopt him into my tribe of defective cats.

This morning was spent pondering important concepts like just how many times can you wear a white tshirt before those icky yellow armpit stains appear.

The excitement this weekend was finding out that replacing the headlight bulb in a 2000 VW is significantly more time consuming than replacing one in a 64 Impala.

Can't wait for Pop Goes The Weasel day.

JUNE'S LESSER KNOWN HOLIDAYS

June 1 - Dare Day

June 3 - Repeat Day

June 4 - Old Maid's Day

June 6 - Teacher's Day

June 8 - Name Your Poison Day

June 12 - Machine Day

June 14 - Pop Goes The Weasel Day

June 15 - Smile Power Day

June 17 - Eat Your Vegetables Day

June 18 - International Panic Day

June 19 - World Sauntering Day

June 20 - Ice Cream Soda Day

June 24 - Museum Comes To Life Day

June 25 - Log Cabin Day

June 29 - Camera Day

June 30 - Meteor Day

So yesterday we gave a little talk about one of the projects we're doing to a grade 5 catholic school class. Out of the corner of my eye, caught the teacher crossing herself. Not sure if this was to protect herself or the young minds from evil but I think it had something to do with the picture of the red eyed, fanged, bat character.
 
What can I say. The kids wanted a bat so I made them a bat. They seemed to like the bat.

Hey Barracuda. I know you saw me so you could have at least said hi (like you almost ran into me with your damn mini barracuda stroller). But then again you were always a bit of a doofass anyway weren't you.

Julio El Realestato stopped in to take pictures of the place and frighten the cats. It's a very odd feeling to be cleaning up the place for potential buyers when you're hopefully not moving, just potentially paying rent to someone else.

The latest Amazing Race seems to be going for rating boosting short descriptions of the teams. I still like mine better...

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