Today I possess the fine motor skills of perhaps mouldy jello stored in Tupperware.

Damn it. It's not even 3am yet.

Music to help you drive fast to air cargo with package. Music to slow down your driving after package is delivered.

I love 12 hour days. They're fun. Especially when the first half could have been skipped.

I'm dressed exceptionally well for work given my usual lack-luster business attire. Lunch might be spent going home to change, this collar is making me squirm.

So managed to do everything except look for a new apartment this weekend. What's the time limit to give notice you're moving if you have no lease? Oh well. I'll sort this out one day. At least we found a new route for biking.

Okay now I'm officially burned out. This week moved entirely in slo mo. Slogged through the day. My mind completely in the gutter. Thought up possible titles for porn movies like "Hot Eats Cool Treats" set in a Dairy Queen or "Jizamanaz" A broadway production based on the music of Nazereth.

Is there something more I can do this week to fill up my incompetent quota? I don't think I've done enough.

Last night I dreamt of iPods and the first songs I would play on an iPod and coming up the Trail hill with an iPod. Then waking up in screaming pain because it felt like my shoulder was dislocated.

Finally a haircut before fullblown MacGyver developed. Maybe I should have asked for a Brazilian too.

Maybe this lotto ticket I bought to get $5 turned into loonies will turn out to be lucky and I can pay someone thousands of dollars to adopt a puking cat.

Now here's a great plan. Tired of sleeping in sheets that cats had puked on a hundred times over (don't worry I wash them before sleeping in them again) I decided to buy new sheets. Then forgot to close the bedroom door while out shopping which led to the discovery that Pushkin had snuck in and hurled all over the new sheets. To which I politely said "Jesus fucking Christ Pushkin!" (I use the Spanish pronunciation "Hayzeus" to lessen the blasphemy). Now off to find a loonie so I can wash these now no longer pristine sheets.

Hey look! It's the local yuppie running club all decked out with their Bat-utility belts which hold 20 vials of Bat-performance-enhancing-energy drink.

Things to know about Walmart. No matter what time of the day it is or how many people are in the store, the check out will always be excruciatingly slow. While in the line up you will always be subjected to screaming kids. While in the line up you will always witness trailer trash couples ramming tongues down each other's throat. It's a family oriented store.

Am I suffering caffeine withdrawl or am I hung over? I really can't tell right now. Am I capable enough to install a firewire card into a Dell and make the new CD factory work? I really don't know.

Mmm toothy goodness

In this week's episode episode of the amazing race. Teams must race to a little known cargo company with 35 CDs. If they fail they must fly to Prince George. Teams choosing the fast forward must go to Korea and track down the administrative contact of a canadian domain name.

Not once. Not twice. But thrice.

mmm muscle relaxants and slurpee

home at 10:30. up at 3 to get ready to go again. i love this. I think my arm is going to fall off.

/sbin/fsck -y
/sbin/mount -uw '/'
cd /private/var/db/
rm .AppleSteupDone
cd netinfo
rm -R local.nidb
sync;sync;sync;reboot

Nope. This drive is Poochie the Rappin' dog

Fuck my fingers are hurting from all this CD making and copy pasting. How will I be able to make that come hither motion with them?

Me work phone good yah. Each day I try to find a new way of proving how incompetent I am.

In the search for pictures of "non-threatening" military vehicles for a brochure, two important lessons should be noted. 1) It's very easy to start wandering around the local military establishment with very little explanation of what you're doing there. 2) When asked who authorized you to be here by other military people; the answer of "that guy, in the mess hall, had fatigues on, think he had a beard" probably won't cut it. So always get a reference to direct military cop types because there's no grey here only black and white.

After I pull off the jewel heist and relocate either to Tonga or Brazil, stop by the Craptastic SurfBoard Hut where my new casual job will be carving custom boards. Hours of operation will depend on how motivated I am to work that day (so expect it to be closed) and board quality will depend on how much I like you.

This is my rule for looking for potential new apartments. If there's a burnt out car next door or maybe an empty lot that looks like there might be the decomposing body of a vagrant in it, you might want to reconsider looking at the rental unit.

So I was thinking of what kind of calling card to leave at the scene of the crime when I pull off my big jewel heists. The Phantom always left a glove in the Pink Panther movies but after some serious thought I decided I'd leave a CUM-KLEEN-MANGO packet. Besides being a striking memento, this has the added bonus of giving me more time to escape since the police might be a little scared to touch anything after they see what the packet is normally used for.

So you're an evil genius bent on destroying the world and you are about to unveil your heinous plot to those deposable crime lords that have funded your project and you now want to eliminate. You just need something extra to jazz up that PowerPoint presentation you've prepared for them. Well fear not. In my weekend labours, I've discovered royalty free animations that will fit the bill.

GLO999982

GLO999983

GLO999984

Since my bike clothes shopping spree in Sweden looks like's gone bust, I'm sensing an on-line credit card binge about to happen.

This coffee tastes funny. Hey this is whipped cream not regular cream.

Why what's this friendly looking letter in my mailbox? Oh it's nothing. Just a note from the landlord saying my rent is going up $200 starting December. Maybe that's a sign that Tonga is a realistic goal.

I'm a humble guy with a healthy desire

How come Amazon isn't offering Kraftwerk together with John Tesh as a "Buy Together" offer?
Thanks Mike.

I'm really curious about this japanese show. Wonder if there's any bawdy ribaldry amongst the manequins.

Maybe it was from the feeling that I was going to crash today. Maybe it was all the Bourbon I drank last night. Maybe it's thoughts of that little electric bunny. Maybe it's the adrenalin from almost getting nailed by a SUV in the parking lot riding home. This evening it was 50 through Bowness and 36 up Stoney Trail with room to accelerate. Makes the 4 months of sucking so bad forgettable till tomorrow's ride when I will once again go back to sucking.