At the point of either spending $30 on a new iPod Battery and attempting to pry open the iPod or breaking down and buying a slick new video iPod. Under 30 minutes of battery life doesn't cut it.

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There's nothing like spending the better part of a work day listening to someone who looks like Ethel Merman reduce the entire world to 4 generalized personality types that communicate and think in 4 very generalizied ways. Kind of like the Dr. Phil method of peddling a simple answer to a complex question. The only thing interesting was her frantic hand movements and the constant question running through my mind of why did she divorce Ernest Borgnine.

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It's been so crazy over the last year that it seems like I've been neglecting this site. And I'm kind of cranky tonight because the cat shit in my bed while I was out. So I thought I'd take a few moments to do something I haven't done regularly in a while - and that's to mock television shows...like some of the Food Network offerings.
 

		For instance David Rocco's Dolce Vita. Here's a guy who looks like he's never stepped inside a kitchen in his life except to have his nonna spoon feed him. Christ whenever he picks up a knife he looks like he's going to cut his forearm off and in one episode using a whisk was too tiring for him. The sad reality of this show is it looks like he's sucked a lot of cock as The Food Network's mail clerk and as a payoff to keep him quiet they sent him to Italy. (editor's note: I was going to say something more lewd so i could use the word "jiz" because, as a bad word, jiz is not used enough. But I restrained myself). But probably the most annoying thing about the show besides the lame staged story lines, is his constant leering into the camera. You just want to kick the tv whenever he twists his smug face into view.
		And speaking af leering, there's also serial leerer, Surreal Gourmet. Yah Surreal. Right. Maybe if you're defining surrealism for kindergarden kids. His presentations are so fucking stupid it's mind blowing. And all the recipes he tries to pass off as original ideas can all be found in other cookbooks done 100 times better. The only redeeming quality of the show is the Airstream trailer.
		Of course you can't forget Chef at Wanking or Chef at Home sucking ass. Maybe it's the really bad hair. Perhaps the dorky checked clown pants. He just annoys me on all levels but I couldn't really explain why until now. He's the chef equivalent to the Canadian Tire Guy. And he deserves a boot to the head.
		And finally there's Giada De Laurentiis Everyday Italian. Now her recipes actually look very appetizing so that's not my problem with her. She talks about how much she loves some dish she's cooking but then she's so scrawny it looks like if she tasted anything she made, she'd rush to the bathroom right after to shove a finger down her throat. But really the main thing is she scares the hell out of me. She always has that mentally unstable looking smile glued to her face that makes you want to hide all sharp objects.   Back away slowly. Don't make direct eye contact.

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I learned how to say monkey in Romanian today.

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Since I've been tagged by Grant, I thought I'd oblige. It's also doing this or working on a crappy PowerPoint presentation.
 
Four Things
 
Four jobs I've had:

• Brick scrubber
• Woodward's stockroom person
• Library lacky
• Tourist Information dude

Four movies I can watch over and over:

• 8 1/2
• Three Musketeers
• Big Lebowski
• Zoolander

Four places I have lived:

• In my head
• On my bike
• In my pants
• Rossland

Four television shows I love to watch:

• Clone High
• Mythbusters (Kari and/or Scottie you will be mine)
• Project Runway
• SpongeBob SquarePants

Four places I have been on vacation:

• London, UK
• Goteborg, Sweden
• Campbellton, Prince Edward Island
• Tofino, B.C.

Four of my favourite dishes:

• Pizza
• Twizzlers
• Bread
• Capt. Crunch

Four websites I visit daily:

• CyclingNews
• The Hype Machine
• Allmusic
• Google News

Four places I would rather be right now:

• On my bike
• San Francisco
• Sweden
• On the crapper

Four bloggers I am tagging:

• Liisa
• Cleo
• Capt Bacon
• Monkey

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The beauty of the ballot in my riding is that you can spell Pushkin with all the checkboxes without filling in the one for the Conservatives. Now to sit back and watch Canada elect a bastard for PM that I can't stand even looking at.

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WHITE DOG Press Kit available on ebay. Seeing how they'll remake almost any shit from the 70s and 80s into a movie, I'm daring someone in Hollywood to remake White Dog. I'm daring them.

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Funny. I was at the gym the other morning listening to the insanely bad classic rock station they always have on and thinking how much I hate Eric Clapton. And then just now I inadvertantly stumbled on this quote by Anton Newcombe about Eric Clapton. It cracked me up. Yeah when I'm trapped in my bunker and the military are blasting music through loudspeakers to get me out, Clapton is definitely one that would drive me crazy. Him along with Paul Simon, Bob Seger, Melissa Etheridge, Billy Joel, Bare Naked Ladies.

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smelled greasy omelette all morning and pencil lead all afternoon.

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I've been trying to avoid thinking too much about this election. It reminds me too much of 1984 all over again. Harper has managed to keep his inner circle from saying what they really think and we'll end up with a government that totally wants to suck Bush's cock and screw the country over. But then that's pretty much been politics in Canada in a niutshell: Liberals hold power for a long time; get complacent; get too corrupt; put a tool like Martin as head of the party who can't lead; Conservatives grab power; fuck the country over big time; then Liberals get back in and the process starts all over. Then there's politics in Alberta where the Conservatives could run a sack of potatos as a candidate and people would vote for it. Which reminds me, who is going to get my protest write in vote. Will it be a memorial vote for Pushkin (strong on his puking policy) or is it for the remaining cat Brontë (weak on the puking but big on shitting on furniture).

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Cat back to normal today. Now searching for cat laxatives.

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Shaping up to be a real full moon Friday 13th. I'm a human bidet for a cat. Hosing down the back side of the cat after her 45 minutes of performing a complete bowel movement and a couple hairballs. In the process i think she's blown a hemorrhoid. Debating whether to take her into the emergency vet to get checked but I'm a bit freaked about doing it tonight, I'm not thrilled with them to begin with, and we've down this poo dance road before with non-results. I think it's the whole full moon 13th thing - couldn't face getting bad news tonight because I have a feeling the decision I'd have to make would not be a good one.

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The Pushkin Patch is finally done. First attempt at getting a custom embroidered patch done so I'm pretty happy with it. Better to start small rather than with the big flaming skull I was planning on getting done.

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New logo for Kodak. I don't know. The old one had that comfortable feeling to it that you'd recognize anywhere. The new one looks like it belongs on a 7-11 sales assistant smock.

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The skating universe has realigned. After two months missing in action, His Blueness has reappeared. Looks like a fresh blue outfit same as the old blue outfit (kind of like how Superman and Batman have multiple costumes). But a new bum bag for his tunes. And always always backwards.

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Paris-Dakar by Bike
I love the Dakar rally but doing it with anything other than a motorized vehicle of some sort seems kind of insane. You know when the rally occasionally hits those trouble spots and there's potential for armed violence, I'd rather be in something that can get away fast.

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Skunks love free bacon

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You know, there's some things that are so easy to throw rocks at that there's no real point in using the arm strength. But then there's some things that are so easy to throw rocks at that you just can't resist...things like Kevin Federline. Mad skillz. Mad Latin PopoZao skillz. Rock out with your cock out K-Fed!

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The best discard bin find in a long time - a DVD of Roxy Music live 1973-74 with some T-Rex footage tacked on. Sound quality sucks but definitely worth watching for the costumes, Eno's electronic set up, and just watching vintage over the top glam rock performaces.

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I used my Leap second trying to get a cat to take a crap in her litter box instead of the couch. So 2006 starts off on a familiar note of feline bowel problems.

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